The dirty 30

One month from today I'll be 30. 

Seriously...30. WTF?

I think about everything that has happened in the last 30 years and let me just say this: holy hell, time flies. I feel like somewhere between 20 and now, I lost myself. Ok, I'm just going to be honest here and blame life. Shit happens, but not everything has been shitty. I've had a lot of good times, but I've also had a lot of bad. Fast forward and BAM!...Marriage, kids, work, finishing up degrees that should have been finished by now. The fact is, I NEVER MAKE TIME FOR MYSELF.

Am I a bad wife when I don't want to spend time with my husband? Am I a bad mom when I don't want to play with my kids? Am I a bad person when I ignore phone calls from my friends and family?

Hashtag, the struggle IS real. It's taken me a long time to realize that I'm not being selfish when I need to be alone. So, if I've offended you lately I want you to know this...it's not you, it's me.

A new decade means new battles, but also new adventures. I'm tired of running away to Target when I need a break, and I'm actually there A LOT. Going with the flow of life just isn't cutting it for me anymore and that's why I'm using 30 as an excuse to find myself again. I'm going to do things that make me happy, things I've wanted to do for a while but never made the time for. This blog, for example, is one of them. I can voice my opinion, write about whatever I want, and it's cheaper than therapy. Self-centered? I don't care.


My 30 things to do while 30 list...

-Take up kickboxing
-Take singing lessons
-Volunteer 
-Take a girls trip with my mom and sister (THIS is becoming a yearly thing. SO. MUCH. FUN.) 
-Train and run in a marathon (or half, or 5k, because let's face it, I'll probably die) <-Probably one of the most rewarding things I've done. 
-Skydive
-Add a few more tattoos
-Visit family in Massachusetts during the summer (<-are they still family???) 
-^Wear a bikini on vacation above. (Pretty sure the closest thing I'll ever get to said bikini is what I wore this summer, the summer of '17. So I'm a few years late, whatfuckingever.)
-Go snowboarding 
-Surprise someone
-Plant a garden, and don't let it die  (So...my plants eventually died. But I have oranges so I get an A for trying.)
-Spend the night in a haunted place  (Done! 12/23/14. Creepy!!!) 
-Adopt a family next Christmas (Ok, this was half-assed. But we still helped out)
-Do more DIY projects
-Go hunting with my dad
-Tour the school of naturopathy
-Do a photo shoot with Red Light Shoppe (check her out on facebook, uh-mazing!)
-Read more books (Lots of personal development are on the list!) 
-Unplug, and often (I need to do more of this. Like ASAP)
-Go to more concerts
-Overcome a fear (my fear of cats is slowly going away. lol) 
-Pay off some debt
-Complete a juice cleanse
-Practice my photography
-Start a retirement fund (blah!) (And when you're broke af, you pull it all out. lol)
-Take the kids to the Grand Canyon and Bearizona
-For the love of brew, start a club (any excuse to drink) 
-Take a painting class   
-Meditate (Taking a few classes at my gym. Definitely recommend!) 

Think about your life and what you're doing. Do you ever take time out for yourself? Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate (you know I love me some Taylor Swift)...so put a smile on your face and your middle finger in the air. Get out there and enjoy life, we only get one. Your happiness starts with you!